SLP Cougars and Facebook thirsters alike have praised whoever is the new fashion consultant for Philip J Pierre. Words such as ‘hunk’ and ‘fit’ were flung about the metaverse as the over-40 crowd shared their lust. Sources now claim that Pip has a chance to overthrow Kenson Casimir as the #1 **** in the Saint Lucian Cabinet. Will this stand? Surely not so expect a topless workout from the challenger.
The independence-themed nerve centre in the Prime Minister’s office came to an abrupt and near-total stop this month as for the third month in a row they innovated a retread theme. Sources from deep within the nerve centre say that Douvan Ansanm: Philip Cares and We trying to sign artists for Jazz were considered initially before they determined not chic enough.
With news of the latest Venezuelan aggression, CARICOM HOG met on November 32nd in Castries, Trinidad and Tobago to discuss their joint defense of Guyana. Sources inside the meeting tell us that a memo was crafted calling for the Bad Boy Draft, in order to utilize all proven gunmen in the defense of the region. Numbers are expected to be especially high from the Jamaican and Trini regions as they are expected to be the more resourceful and experienced soldiers.
After the stunning news from the most recent press conference, our team decided to do what no other team would do and sought out a key figure. We headed down to to Vieux Fort to interview the corn curls wrapper which recently shared a photo op with the PM when he attempted to show the crime escalation area as basically safe.
‘Well, to say I shock is to understate the ting. The man eat all the corn curls you know. First time I got love so and for him to say he never been here. That touch me e. Mwen mem”
Whilst some may harp upon the many years of unfulfilled promises by both the SLP and UWP governments we can finally have something to celebrate on. The SJH building fund will officially spend over 1 Billion dollars in order to deliver what we hope to be quality healthcare to citizens of the south. Citizens are eagerly awaiting the party celebrating the billionth dollar spent, sometime in the near future.
“Father this wall was used for so much bacchanal” was the opening prayer by a local pastoress who saw it fit to bless and sanctify the local carnival shrine to the callipygian form recently. The much-ballyhooed wall was the scene of the glorious celebration of derriere’s of all shapes, sizes and colours and it was fitting that it got anointed by a prayer warrior.
The much-vaunted bum bum wall, a locally celebrated altar to the callipygian form, often during the carnival season has been duly recognized again. The wall de bum bum was bestowed with its Order of Merit: Paint as it got a skittle-hued makeover to match the many costumes that would be parading alongside it. No clue yet if the various shades of bum-bum were represented yet.
Recently the Prime Minister called for Lucians to “watch what they eat and eat what they watch”, an innocent phrase that has caused a firestorm. Cannibal rights activist and PRO for cannibal Saint Lucia, Kevin Manhunter saw it as the PM’s subtle nod to cannibal civil rights as the near frontier. However, others saw it as a nod to sexual liberation in that during the carnival season people were free to eat the beautiful specimens that they saw. A team of experts in explaining Pierre speak was unable to come to a consensus as to which interpretation was correct.
Teachers are often seen as a valued part of society but the truth appears to be that they are lazy and need close supervision. A recent ministry memo called for all teachers to report to schools to partake in the online virtual Summer Institute as they obviously cannot be trusted to engage in professional development without an iron hand over them. Sources reveal that the brainpower behind this initiative could have funded 100 more brilliant ideas for the ministry to enact.
The announcement that July 4th would no longer be associated with fireworks and hotdogs but with all the trappings of Caricom celebration as it had fallen upon Caricom countries to celebrate their togetherness. However, astutely recognizing the heathen and hedonistic behaviour of locals the government has decided that rather than the anticipated holiday our souls would benefit more from an ecumenical service. Moreover, some citizens would need a refresher on]hellfire by experiencing the heatwave soaking the country in a #iamcaricom march.
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