We Just Need Three!!!

Eva Unleashed

Yesterday was the first anniversary of this current administration’s reign. The question posed on street vibes last evening went something like this. “What do you like or dislike about the current administration’s work so far?”. There were some sensible answers but the bulk of the responses were either shamelessly biased or tragically incomprehensible. English words mashed together so haphazardly it may as well have been Greek. I will admit though, it was quite entertaining. Jokes aside here’s my one year evaluation of our current leaders. E for effort. Why? Let me break it down!

Firing the N.I.C.E workers, defunding the National Trust, The impending closure of Radio St.Lucia, Decreasing VAT but cleverly adding it onto previously untaxed products, the dolphin park, the causeway, the DSH scam umm I mean project, (“Only after the last tree has been cut down, Only after the last river has been poisoned, Only after the…

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Man Up! The First College To Teach Men How To Be Men

Man Up! University, the first of its kind , is hoping to establish physical and or online campuses to cater to every single male on the planet. The university funded by a myriad of porn sites and a reclusive billionaire is expected to teach men how to act in this new world order.

The courses include, but are not limited into, How to Save the side chicks number 204, Keeping wifey sexually satisfied 309, How to be a fuckboy 406 and Escape the friendzone 109.

The Dean of Students Solomon Grundy had this to say.

‘ Sure loads of folks wont like the idea of this school but so what. They just don’t want us to succed. They want to dominate us. They hate the idea of a man graduating with a degree in manology! All of us can’t be doctors or lawyers or plumbers, some of us have to be forward thinkers.’

5000 blowJOBS Created Due To Valentine’s Day Say Stats Office

With a still sluggish economy dominating the newsreels it was of welcome relief to hear from the statistics department of job increases.

According to Bert Mc Prix , head of the Sex Statistics Department it was the most productive period of economic growth since the Carnival period.

‘ We were initially worried that the numbers would be smaller because it was approaching Lent and we thought persons were going to practice abstinence for Lent but lo and behold they smartened up. We don’t know how many of these blowJOBS were created solely because we were approaching Valentine’s Day or if they were genuine from the loins actions. But we estimate close to 60% were V-Day related.’


Sex and Alcohol Lead List of Things NOT GIVEN Up For Lent

Sex and alcohol were number one and two on the list of things not given up by  local Catholics during an unscientific poll conducted on Ash Wednesday. We spoke to close to a 100 Catholics and were informed that these were way to sweet a vice to give up for forty days and nights.

One said he was not interested in ‘becoming a born again virgin’ another aptly said’ ‘There’s only one virgin mary .’

No word yet on whether Pope Francis will give up alcohol  or whether he will continue being celibate for the umpteenth Lenten season in a row.

Italian Woman To Be Charged For Neglecting Her Wifely Duties!

Rome, Italy.

A woman is being sued for breach of marital duties. Francesca 48 is being sued by her husband Giovanni 53 who claims that he regularly came home to an empty house without his food being warm or his clothes taken off the line and folded. Giovanni further alleges that Francesca expected him to take part in unmanly chores such as doing the dishes and sweeping the house.

‘ As a man I was really disturbed by her radical feminist attitudes. She even tried to deny me relations. I was appalled by her behavior.The world needs to stop these kinds of women before it all goes mad.’

Francesca had little to say but to refer us to her lawyer Sarah Maneater.

MacDillan Maps To Label Entire Caribbean Jamaica.

After so many years of tourists and locals alike complaining MacDillan Maps has made the final decision to label the entire Caribbean as Jamaica. The effort was described as the most logical one by D.R.Kixx, the companies mapmaker.

‘ Most of our users were puzzled as to all the other islands on the map. They only know of Jamaica and Bob Marley, Peter Tosh and Shaggy. Anytime they meet someone from the region they ask if they from Jamaica. Its your people’s fault, listen to your DJs and announcers, most sound more Jamaican than Portia so who could blame em.’

Donald Trump To Be Awarded NAACP Image Award

Donald Trump has gone pass the odds of regular politicians and shaped his racist, sexist, farcical and fascist campaign for president into a bonanza. Amidst a swirl of rumors that his ‘campaign’ is an ‘extended reality TV promo’ just like Ben Carson’s is a ‘ book tour’ The Donald revealed that not everyone hates him.

‘ I’m going to get a Lifetime NAACP Image award for showing the world how terrible racism is ! take that Megyn Kelly ! I’m the new Martin, Malcolm ,Gandhi and Aung San Suu Kyi.’

The Donald boasted to a 40,000 capacity crowd in Iowa. No word yet on whether he will be as exuberant for his KKK Person of the Year award later this year.