Adulting

 

*Editor’s Note: This weeks Chatterbox column has been hijacked by the champions of the children are our future aka the youth. Barney Diego, and Dora Dinosaur, Caricom Youth Ambassador

Adulting Ain’t Half Bad Now Is It?

BD:Adulting that oh so sweet word that adults use to bemoan how bad they have it now. How they were conned into wanting to be adults because it was so cool and now all it is is a shit pile of responsibility AND BILLS

DD: Total dumb asses to say the least. Forgot the first rule of life, don’t believe the hype!Well reporting here in the Caribbean we can tell you how incredibly ridiculous it is. Youth are plagued with many issues such as high suicide and unemployment rates,increased crime both as victims and perpetrators including rape and sexual assault.

BD: Nah forget ting like HIV and other health issues plus politicians treating us like the fine china your mudda take out during Christmas or your birthday and never again.Boy them kinda ting so rough and my pops keep ‘ oh you young folk got it easying me’. He so wrong he could be a broken clock.

DD:Right about now you probably gritting your 50 year old dentures and chiding us yout for trying to bamboozle you about our problems. To be young , wild and free, to smoke weed, do lines of coke and have wild uninhibited sex anywhere, anyhow and with everyone? Right?

BD: Right. That sex ting so dangerous there have a curse now. Young girls feel they can look how sexy and ting in booty shorts and crop tops and not pass the ting? Your bum bum in leggings all the damn time but I must not touch, squeeze or grope without yourconsent? You see how easy it is for a man to take jail? So what you were to drunk , I tell you get drunk? Me that tell you wear that too tight black dress and flirt with every man?Something eh tell you eh wear that. Now you crying and want to call police! For that awah awah.

 

DD: We women too dangerous talking about consent and saying no! And is the young women that pushing that.Saying that cat-calling and asking them to smile and ting while you follow them to get their number is a dangerous practice and is sexual harassment.You ever hear such nonsense, they talking about a rape culture oh how women getting street harassed daily by men and they feeling unsafe! Unsafe from a man? Aren’t men our protectors!

BD: Ding!Ding! We protect you. There are no need for #lifeinleggings hashtags or revenge rape laws or sexual harassment seminars in the Caribbean. Them nasty tings nah happen here and if they do is them young woman fault for dressing like whores during Carnival season and gyrating on any kind a man for two days ‘pon di road.’ How you are going to stop me from touching op pon you the day after I see every little piece of heaven including the sweet honey pot eh?

 

DD: Boy and they will say oh how they pay their money to jump and how they must be treated well. Even some fellas get in that too like I just cuh touch their pecs or try to grab them and cuddle their organ. Wat life turn to uh? Is like the yout feel they need to be protected from tings their parents weren’t. Madness!!

 

BD: So how we go solve that Dora? Admit there’s a pervasive sexual and cultural problem in the region and teach young boys and girls consent and the vibe?

 

DD: You feel the region ready for that, to show women in charge of her body and ting and that male youth need to learn what no means no or ready yo learn they too can be harassed and be victims.(Bursts out laughing) Barney you and your jokes eh!

 

 

 

 

Barney Diego

20 year old Youth Development Student at UWI Open Campus St Vincent

 

Dora Dinosaur

22 year old journalist at The Lantern in Saint Lucia,

 

 

References

Criger, E. (n.d.). Sexual harassment accusations no surprise to Caribbean Carnival participants. Retrieved from http://toronto.citynews.ca/2015/08/05/sexual-harassment-accusations-no-surprise-to-caribbean-carnival-participants/

Telesur. (2017, March 10). Life in Leggings Movement Fights Gender Violence in Caribbean. Retrieved from https://www.telesurtv.net/english/news/Life-in-Leggings-Movement-Fights-Street-Harassment-in-Caribbean-20170310-0011.html

Thomas, F. (2014, December 16). Does the Caribbean Have a Rape Culture? · Global Voices. Retrieved from https://globalvoices.org/2014/12/16/does-the-caribbean-have-a-rape-culture/

 

 

 

 

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We Just Need Three!!!

Eva Unleashed

Yesterday was the first anniversary of this current administration’s reign. The question posed on street vibes last evening went something like this. “What do you like or dislike about the current administration’s work so far?”. There were some sensible answers but the bulk of the responses were either shamelessly biased or tragically incomprehensible. English words mashed together so haphazardly it may as well have been Greek. I will admit though, it was quite entertaining. Jokes aside here’s my one year evaluation of our current leaders. E for effort. Why? Let me break it down!

Firing the N.I.C.E workers, defunding the National Trust, The impending closure of Radio St.Lucia, Decreasing VAT but cleverly adding it onto previously untaxed products, the dolphin park, the causeway, the DSH scam umm I mean project, (“Only after the last tree has been cut down, Only after the last river has been poisoned, Only after the…

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Man Up! The First College To Teach Men How To Be Men

Man Up! University, the first of its kind , is hoping to establish physical and or online campuses to cater to every single male on the planet. The university funded by a myriad of porn sites and a reclusive billionaire is expected to teach men how to act in this new world order.

The courses include, but are not limited into, How to Save the side chicks number 204, Keeping wifey sexually satisfied 309, How to be a fuckboy 406 and Escape the friendzone 109.

The Dean of Students Solomon Grundy had this to say.

‘ Sure loads of folks wont like the idea of this school but so what. They just don’t want us to succed. They want to dominate us. They hate the idea of a man graduating with a degree in manology! All of us can’t be doctors or lawyers or plumbers, some of us have to be forward thinkers.’

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With a still sluggish economy dominating the newsreels it was of welcome relief to hear from the statistics department of job increases.

According to Bert Mc Prix , head of the Sex Statistics Department it was the most productive period of economic growth since the Carnival period.

‘ We were initially worried that the numbers would be smaller because it was approaching Lent and we thought persons were going to practice abstinence for Lent but lo and behold they smartened up. We don’t know how many of these blowJOBS were created solely because we were approaching Valentine’s Day or if they were genuine from the loins actions. But we estimate close to 60% were V-Day related.’

 

Sex and Alcohol Lead List of Things NOT GIVEN Up For Lent

Sex and alcohol were number one and two on the list of things not given up by  local Catholics during an unscientific poll conducted on Ash Wednesday. We spoke to close to a 100 Catholics and were informed that these were way to sweet a vice to give up for forty days and nights.

One said he was not interested in ‘becoming a born again virgin’ another aptly said’ ‘There’s only one virgin mary .’

No word yet on whether Pope Francis will give up alcohol  or whether he will continue being celibate for the umpteenth Lenten season in a row.

Italian Woman To Be Charged For Neglecting Her Wifely Duties!

Rome, Italy.

A woman is being sued for breach of marital duties. Francesca 48 is being sued by her husband Giovanni 53 who claims that he regularly came home to an empty house without his food being warm or his clothes taken off the line and folded. Giovanni further alleges that Francesca expected him to take part in unmanly chores such as doing the dishes and sweeping the house.

‘ As a man I was really disturbed by her radical feminist attitudes. She even tried to deny me relations. I was appalled by her behavior.The world needs to stop these kinds of women before it all goes mad.’

Francesca had little to say but to refer us to her lawyer Sarah Maneater.

MacDillan Maps To Label Entire Caribbean Jamaica.

After so many years of tourists and locals alike complaining MacDillan Maps has made the final decision to label the entire Caribbean as Jamaica. The effort was described as the most logical one by D.R.Kixx, the companies mapmaker.

‘ Most of our users were puzzled as to all the other islands on the map. They only know of Jamaica and Bob Marley, Peter Tosh and Shaggy. Anytime they meet someone from the region they ask if they from Jamaica. Its your people’s fault, listen to your DJs and announcers, most sound more Jamaican than Portia so who could blame em.’