MacDillan Maps To Label Entire Caribbean Jamaica.

After so many years of tourists and locals alike complaining MacDillan Maps has made the final decision to label the entire Caribbean as Jamaica. The effort was described as the most logical one by D.R.Kixx, the companies mapmaker.

‘ Most of our users were puzzled as to all the other islands on the map. They only know of Jamaica and Bob Marley, Peter Tosh and Shaggy. Anytime they meet someone from the region they ask if they from Jamaica. Its your people’s fault, listen to your DJs and announcers, most sound more Jamaican than Portia so who could blame em.’


Donald Trump To Be Awarded NAACP Image Award

Donald Trump has gone pass the odds of regular politicians and shaped his racist, sexist, farcical and fascist campaign for president into a bonanza. Amidst a swirl of rumors that his ‘campaign’ is an ‘extended reality TV promo’ just like Ben Carson’s is a ‘ book tour’ The Donald revealed that not everyone hates him.

‘ I’m going to get a Lifetime NAACP Image award for showing the world how terrible racism is ! take that Megyn Kelly ! I’m the new Martin, Malcolm ,Gandhi and Aung San Suu Kyi.’

The Donald boasted to a 40,000 capacity crowd in Iowa. No word yet on whether he will be as exuberant for his KKK Person of the Year award later this year.

Bigger Penis,Bigger Brain

Recent studies coming from the Universities of Camford and Oxbridge in the United Kingdom have revealed that the larger a man’s penis, the bigger his brain. The study which run from September 2014 – August 2015 and spoke to 3,000 men of different race, religion , orientation and class suggests that bigger has more bang for the buck in more ways than one.

‘ Men with upwards of 6′, the average male penis being 5′, were revealed to be of higher intelligence, whereas those men with below average penises were often found to possess limited intellect.’

Will this cause a revolution? Will men with smaller penises be further stigmatize? Will a woman now mate only with a 7′ carrying male over a 6′ male in order to ensure she produces smarter offspring? Find out on the next episode of dragon ball Z.

Cheating Good For The Heart?

Sources within the medical community are touting an upcoming study by Professors Cheetah and Soulope who have discovered that individuals who cheat regularly have better hearts.

‘ Individuals who cheat  regularly had better functioning hearts and experience little to no issues with their hearts into their 70’s. Even those who cheated only on occasional basis had better heart flows and lower cholesterol and blood pressure levels. Non cheaters appear to struggle with many risks and issue including depression inflicted by heartbreak and the terrible ‘horn’ 

 The research study is expected to be released on Valentine’s Day 2016.

Obama Loser For Freeing Hostages

‘ Obama is a loser, he could have bombed bombed Iran into oblivion for those sailors who innocently steered themselves into Iranian waters. Diplomacy? bleh what has that ever gotten us? Bomb their motherfucking asses into the stone age. Freeing other hostages? smh nah next time we kill everyone. War is good’

G.O.P response to Obama 

Man To Go Around Telling Women Don’t Blush Baby

After the local internet fraternity swooped to defend Chris Gayle from charges of sexism and inappropriate behaviour :

‘ gassa that reporter well like that eh see she reach in his bed’

‘ I wish was me, maybe Gayle woulda marry me’

‘ Choops our koltcha (culture) that there! *sucks teeth*’

one man has seen it as a greenlight. Monchy resident Gills Brennan says he is thankful that the women of the Caribbean believe it was appropriate for a strange man to be flirtatious with them whilst at work he has adopted a new new year’s resolution.

To go the length and breadth of the region and tell the women don’t blush baby and I want a grind . You know be overly flirtatious whilst they’re at work and even if they look uncomfortable mi nah stop. #dohblushbaby2016

Masturbation Expected To Replace Soccer As World’s Most Popular Sport

The WSC ( World Sporting Council) has revealed the shocker that soccer  will no longer be the world’s most popular sport by 2020. Its successor? No not cricket, though that sport is expected to slot in at number two due to the fanaticism of over 1 billion Indian fans.

Recreational Masturbation, with a  following of 3.7 billion players, an upsurge of 27%, is expected to be the biggest sport at the 2020 Olympics with close to 100 athletes from around the globe participating in what is expected to be the most watched event, replacing the 100m dash, the ‘Tug and Jerk’.

World #1 masturbator Brent Celek says he is eager to defend his Australian and World Records at the Olympics.

‘ No one not even Yank It So, (the Chinese silver medalist from Worlds) is good enough to beat me!’