Man Up! The First College To Teach Men How To Be Men

Man Up! University, the first of its kind , is hoping to establish physical and or online campuses to cater to every single male on the planet. The university funded by a myriad of porn sites and a reclusive billionaire is expected to teach men how to act in this new world order.

The courses include, but are not limited into, How to Save the side chicks number 204, Keeping wifey sexually satisfied 309, How to be a fuckboy 406 and Escape the friendzone 109.

The Dean of Students Solomon Grundy had this to say.

‘ Sure loads of folks wont like the idea of this school but so what. They just don’t want us to succed. They want to dominate us. They hate the idea of a man graduating with a degree in manology! All of us can’t be doctors or lawyers or plumbers, some of us have to be forward thinkers.’

5000 blowJOBS Created Due To Valentine’s Day Say Stats Office

With a still sluggish economy dominating the newsreels it was of welcome relief to hear from the statistics department of job increases.

According to Bert Mc Prix , head of the Sex Statistics Department it was the most productive period of economic growth since the Carnival period.

‘ We were initially worried that the numbers would be smaller because it was approaching Lent and we thought persons were going to practice abstinence for Lent but lo and behold they smartened up. We don’t know how many of these blowJOBS were created solely because we were approaching Valentine’s Day or if they were genuine from the loins actions. But we estimate close to 60% were V-Day related.’

 

Italian Woman To Be Charged For Neglecting Her Wifely Duties!

Rome, Italy.

A woman is being sued for breach of marital duties. Francesca 48 is being sued by her husband Giovanni 53 who claims that he regularly came home to an empty house without his food being warm or his clothes taken off the line and folded. Giovanni further alleges that Francesca expected him to take part in unmanly chores such as doing the dishes and sweeping the house.

‘ As a man I was really disturbed by her radical feminist attitudes. She even tried to deny me relations. I was appalled by her behavior.The world needs to stop these kinds of women before it all goes mad.’

Francesca had little to say but to refer us to her lawyer Sarah Maneater.

Bigger Penis,Bigger Brain

Recent studies coming from the Universities of Camford and Oxbridge in the United Kingdom have revealed that the larger a man’s penis, the bigger his brain. The study which run from September 2014 – August 2015 and spoke to 3,000 men of different race, religion , orientation and class suggests that bigger has more bang for the buck in more ways than one.

‘ Men with upwards of 6′, the average male penis being 5′, were revealed to be of higher intelligence, whereas those men with below average penises were often found to possess limited intellect.’

Will this cause a revolution? Will men with smaller penises be further stigmatize? Will a woman now mate only with a 7′ carrying male over a 6′ male in order to ensure she produces smarter offspring? Find out on the next episode of dragon ball Z.

Cheating Good For The Heart?

Sources within the medical community are touting an upcoming study by Professors Cheetah and Soulope who have discovered that individuals who cheat regularly have better hearts.

‘ Individuals who cheat  regularly had better functioning hearts and experience little to no issues with their hearts into their 70’s. Even those who cheated only on occasional basis had better heart flows and lower cholesterol and blood pressure levels. Non cheaters appear to struggle with many risks and issue including depression inflicted by heartbreak and the terrible ‘horn’ 

 The research study is expected to be released on Valentine’s Day 2016.