Man Up! The First College To Teach Men How To Be Men

Man Up! University, the first of its kind , is hoping to establish physical and or online campuses to cater to every single male on the planet. The university funded by a myriad of porn sites and a reclusive billionaire is expected to teach men how to act in this new world order.

The courses include, but are not limited into, How to Save the side chicks number 204, Keeping wifey sexually satisfied 309, How to be a fuckboy 406 and Escape the friendzone 109.

The Dean of Students Solomon Grundy had this to say.

‘ Sure loads of folks wont like the idea of this school but so what. They just don’t want us to succed. They want to dominate us. They hate the idea of a man graduating with a degree in manology! All of us can’t be doctors or lawyers or plumbers, some of us have to be forward thinkers.’

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MacDillan Maps To Label Entire Caribbean Jamaica.

After so many years of tourists and locals alike complaining MacDillan Maps has made the final decision to label the entire Caribbean as Jamaica. The effort was described as the most logical one by D.R.Kixx, the companies mapmaker.

‘ Most of our users were puzzled as to all the other islands on the map. They only know of Jamaica and Bob Marley, Peter Tosh and Shaggy. Anytime they meet someone from the region they ask if they from Jamaica. Its your people’s fault, listen to your DJs and announcers, most sound more Jamaican than Portia so who could blame em.’

Bigger Penis,Bigger Brain

Recent studies coming from the Universities of Camford and Oxbridge in the United Kingdom have revealed that the larger a man’s penis, the bigger his brain. The study which run from September 2014 – August 2015 and spoke to 3,000 men of different race, religion , orientation and class suggests that bigger has more bang for the buck in more ways than one.

‘ Men with upwards of 6′, the average male penis being 5′, were revealed to be of higher intelligence, whereas those men with below average penises were often found to possess limited intellect.’

Will this cause a revolution? Will men with smaller penises be further stigmatize? Will a woman now mate only with a 7′ carrying male over a 6′ male in order to ensure she produces smarter offspring? Find out on the next episode of dragon ball Z.

Cheating Good For The Heart?

Sources within the medical community are touting an upcoming study by Professors Cheetah and Soulope who have discovered that individuals who cheat regularly have better hearts.

‘ Individuals who cheat  regularly had better functioning hearts and experience little to no issues with their hearts into their 70’s. Even those who cheated only on occasional basis had better heart flows and lower cholesterol and blood pressure levels. Non cheaters appear to struggle with many risks and issue including depression inflicted by heartbreak and the terrible ‘horn’ 

 The research study is expected to be released on Valentine’s Day 2016.

Man To Go Around Telling Women Don’t Blush Baby

After the local internet fraternity swooped to defend Chris Gayle from charges of sexism and inappropriate behaviour :

‘ gassa that reporter well like that eh see she reach in his bed’

‘ I wish was me, maybe Gayle woulda marry me’

‘ Choops our koltcha (culture) that there! *sucks teeth*’

one man has seen it as a greenlight. Monchy resident Gills Brennan says he is thankful that the women of the Caribbean believe it was appropriate for a strange man to be flirtatious with them whilst at work he has adopted a new new year’s resolution.

To go the length and breadth of the region and tell the women don’t blush baby and I want a grind . You know be overly flirtatious whilst they’re at work and even if they look uncomfortable mi nah stop. #dohblushbaby2016

Locals To Set World Record Alcohol Consumption on New Years Eve

Guinness Book of World Records observers are expected to be extra busy in all corners of the globe as countries attempt to set records for alcohol consumption over the New Year.

Whiskey, tequila, brandy, vodka, beer, wine , champagne,gin, stout, cognac and rum are expected to flow like water in paradise during the season with happiness as the main goal.

Party organisers, Uber drivers , side chicks,  creepy dudes, insurance agents and liver transplant doctors are rumored to be bursting with glee at all the alcohol to be consumed.

Observers expect #rumnotjuice and #iehdrinkingagain to be trending  worldwide  on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook within mere hours of New Years.

Man Devastated After Learning His Spouse’s Sexual History- She Slept With 3, Not 2 Men.

One local River Park man is heartbroken after learning the deep, dark secret that his girlfriend of four years had been keeping from him. Ashmed Rampakash,28 told us that his 26 year old girlfriend Anna Palise of Salt Lane was ‘deceitful beyond belief.’

“Last night we were playing ‘Confessions’, a board game, and she say she have a secret to tell me.I already spot my cutlass to lash her if she say she was born a man! But her secret was worse than that. Oh ah honey, I actually had 3 partners before you not 2,it was a one night stand and she was ashamed.’

Rampakash was shaken to the core and moved with hastened to put out this Jezebel of a woman out of his house. He was now questioning everything she told him.

” I cuh believe nothing she says, is her name really Anna, is her father really dead? Was that really her family I met? Or did she pay actors to pretend. She told me my eyes were bluer than the Mero sea. Is that true or my eyes brown? My whole life is a shambles all because of her blasted lie.’