Upwards of A Billion New Year’s Resolutions Already Abandoned

Close to over a billion new year’s resolutions have already gone kaput says the New Year’s Resolution Approval Board.

‘1 .2 billion resolutions have already gone by the wayside as of today. They include Bill Clinton’s promise to not have extra marital threesomes, Kanye’s to stop staring at himself in the mirror, Miley Cyrus’s no twerking vow and Donald Trump’s aint gonna say nothing racist till Saturday.’

New Year’s Resolution Approval Board President , Lance Cosby

No word yet on how many of these failed resolutions were by the folks who said ‘ don’t have to wait for Jan 1 to make a resolution.’


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