Murder Rates Spike As Nebraska Repeals Death Penalty

Murder rates continue to rise in Nebraska  after  sixth months after the state voted to repeal the death penalty. The first murder followed almost five seconds after the vote was held with second a minute after. This has led to mass panic among citizens in the state of Nebraska with the level of hysteria approaching 9,000.

” What is going on? We need to continue to murder criminals no matter how inhumane or unethical it is. Kill them now so people will stop killing others.”

Betty Cornhusker, Omahans for State Sanctioned Murder.

“I always new those libruls would do it. Destroy America. They repeal the death penalty and a man shoots his entire family! Whose fault is that?”

John Hick, Republican State Senator.

“Obviously I killed those woman because they repealed the death penalty not because I hate women. I thank y’all for giving me a solid defense in my murder trial.”

Ted Bundy McVeigh, #1 rated serial killer.

Obviously we must stop this injustice and resume killing people whether they lack the intellectual capacity of a peanut or are as innocent as a virgin on her prom night.

Update : The 3,400th murder has been reported as this story was going to print.

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